Saturday....February 13th...2010

Wendy, Chris and Taigen arrived yesterday from Seattle....today they went to Sea World in Orlando and after spending the night in Orlando, will go to Cape Canaveral tomorrow. I've always told Taigen she will be a rocket scientist....after visiting the space center, I am sure she will want to be one.

Monday we all go to Busch Gardens....Linda in her wheel chair with Taigen riding, of course.

Linda has been in the "dip" for a couple of days....a period of time associated with the Alimta chemo treatment....she has been emotional and "weepy".....and sleeps a lot....and tired a lot......

Tonight we ventured out for a couple of hours to see old friends and "Big E"...aka Ernie...play his guitar and sing.....for money....a job....and he is quite good....getting out among friends was good for Linda.

I found this piece tonight while looking for some stuff on the net for Linda...a good summary of how she has been feeling....

Its Ok To Cry

Like most I feel bad, ashamed about crying and most of the time unable to do it. We push back those tears. Remember when you were a kid and you would have a cry, a really good cry where you could not breathe very well. Now remember after how good we felt after, like the whole world was fresh and new with a whole lot less weight.

We need to shed those tears; we need to let them out. There is much sadness in our world just as there is much bliss. Judging it, criticizes the world for how it should be, holding us back from moving forward in our personal life. Judgment of how it should be instead of allowing the tears of anger, sadness, shame and showing our fear only blocks us back from our feelings. There will always be stuff in our life that part of us wishes’ were different, this is the part that is not living in the now. When we live in the now we allow our self’s to feel. In this we become accepting of what is rather than what should be. We cry when we need to. In understanding that we need to cry, in order for our personal growth we need to understand our tears.

There are different kinds of tears, for different situations, all of which come from different parts of our body showing up in different ways.

Anger Tears: Our ego is in the way here, we are in a vulnerable, exposed, powerless place that we do not want others to know. We are feeling inadequate, our body stiffens. Not knowing how to express our self’s not feeling that tears are acceptable or polite we try to hold them back until they squeeze out the out side corner of our eyes, making it easy to push away.

Sad Tears: When we are moving forward in a new direction, leaving certain things, persons, usually advancing to a new level we have sadness in our hearts. With our shoulders down, the salty tears come up from our hearts to the inside corner of our eyes. They spill down our cheeks over our lips where we taste them, and are reminded with the bitterness of the bitterness of life.

Frightened Tears: When we are frightened we create tears that come from the bottom of our feet. Our whole sole is trembling or shaking and the tears engulf the whole well of our eye, clouding our vision. They spill over our whole face, making us feel more vulnerable.

Shame Tears: These come from the pit of our stomach when we are to much in our heads, judging criticizing ourselves and others. The word Should has a big part of shame as the word it self is a guilt trip on our self’s and others. With our shoulders dropping we are stuck in the anguish of the past.

Combo Tears: The worst tears of all, stiffness of anger, dropping of sadness, trembling of fear, and the bending of shame. Trembleling cold and nauseated, feeling unworthy and afraid we get mad at our self’s for feeling this way.

Tears are our friends, we need them. We need them for our self’s and to see them in others. As we are all learning to understand our feelings tears show us where we stand today.

We all have tears inside us. We hold our families pain, our friends pain, the planets pain. With so much pain from the outside and our own we have denied our tears. It takes strength to cry, shed a tear. Finding it easier to cry for someone else than for your self. Tears get us through the darkest time, bringing us to a new understanding of our self. A new light, where we can show others who are blocked in their tears. These unshed tears cloud us, discolor our thoughts, making us unable to take real steps forward so we repeat the blocked process over and over.

Telling our stories, while letting out the full range of tears heals us, as well as the ones we have shared with. After the tears we, are able to see the blocks in a better light with a new understanding, making it easier to pick up and move forward again.

Its ok to cry, go ahead the planet needs you to.